Nappy Rash, The Silent Killer Of 25 Year Old Males


Captainbubby

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Joined
Dec 13, 2004
Messages
226
Well, it's been sufficient months since this incident happened so now I can finally look back on this incident and laugh. This story is regretably fact, not fiction.

Our story begins in Hong Kong, around May. Hong Kong has an awful humid summer, so hot in fact that were I to throw some stuffing and a life turkey down my pants, I could have it roasted by the time I walked to the train station.

As some of you might know, I'm a primary school English teacher at a school in Hong Kong.

The constant sweat and humidity had taken it's toll on poor ol' Captainbubby. So much so that he was developing nappy rash and that so much skin had been rubbed off between his thighs that there was actually and indentation in his leg and incredible pain.


In fact, I'm pretty sure I was down to my last layer of skin. It took several minutes for me to walk down the hallway to the office. My parents were visiting and waiting at my apartment; so more than ever, I wished to go home hastily, though I knew I could not survive the walk to the train station.

I decided to journey to the staff toilets where I thought I could wrap some toilet paper around my legs to stop the friction peeling away my skin as I walked. Alas, I soon found out that there was no way to secure the paper around my legs so I ended up having to make "toilet paper overalls" which would go over my shoulders and then down again. I finally made my toilet paper overalls and slowly put my shirt back on over them and waddled my way out of the staff toilets slowly, slowly, ever so slowly. I waved hello to a passing parent, trying to look as casual as possible and not scream in agony due to the pain. Suddenly, the shoulder strap of my toilet paper overalls broke, little bits of toilet paper streaming down my arm like a broken pinata. What didn't stream out of my shirt slowly fell down my back and accumulated into a rather embarrasing lump at the back of my pants.

I could see by the parent's eyes that they were curious as to what was going on... I suddenly decided to walk as normally as I could to the staff room, wincing as I could feel the skin from my thighs feeling off with each step.

Within, I managed dispose of the toilet paper, thus reducing the lump that had accumulated.

Next, came the epic hellish gauntlet...The stairs down to the ground floor.
Slowly but surely I made my way down the stairs, holding onto the railings like my life depended on it.

Once I reached the playground, I saw my friend Lui, one of the P.E. teachers. I confided in him and told him my problem. I've never seen someone have a look of pure amusement and pitty at the same time, as if someone had seen their parents shot in front of the TV during the funniest scene of the movie.

I suddenly saw the Coke Vending Machine.
"What If I stuck a cold coke can down my crotch in the area of friction!" I said.
He replied, shortly after breathing a few times to ensure that his lung did not collapse, "Good idea."
I slowly made my to the drinks machine and bought one cold can of, I believe lemon peach tea and hobbled into the PE storage room. "Well I might as well drink it first, I mused". I opened the can and drank the sweet nectar within. The sharp part where the tab was broken which worried me a little, but I was determined... With newfound hope, I put the can down my pants and marched out the door, a new man...

Unfortunatly I made two mistakes, one was emptying the contents of the can, making it hollow and the other, thinking that this would work.

I walked past yet another parent, this time I had no silly toilet paper lumps to worry about I thought as I waddled along.

Unfortunantly, the can, being hollow slowly began to crinkle and bend, a rather horrible sound. I've never had someone look so directly and intently at my crotch before, in what seemed like hours I slowly averted my gaze from the parent and turned it down towards my pants, something was definantly wrong...There was an un-natural cylindrical lump around my pants which was making metalic sounds whenever I would walk.

When you're a primary school teacher, it doesn't look good whenever genitals and foreign objects are involved.

I pretended to look through my bag, thus covering the noticable area and hobbled my way out.

The can wasn't working...I soon realised as I hobbled along the road. As I was slowly crossing the road, I saw a group of high school girls, the perfect "noise cover" with their loud talking and their giggles. The girls chatted and chatted and for once, I was glad for their noise, the crackling from the can was not at all noticable with their noise.

Suddenly one of the girls answered her mobile phone and walked to the corner of a nearby bus depot. The girls stopped and followed her too.

"Well dagnammit! I'm not losing my voice cover!" I pretended to fumble through my bag; thus, giving me an excuse to stop as well. No doubt a crush or a current boyfriend, the high school girl whispered shyly into her phone, her other friends blabbing along. My cantonese isn't perfect but I could tell that the conversation became strained...The girl on the phone started to tremble, I don't think her boyfriend was giving her good news. Her friends all stopped talking, looking worriedly at their obviously upset and currently speechless friend. At that exact moment of complete uncomfortable silence, my mobile phone rang, It was set to vibration ring, it wouldn't make a sound, just vibrate. Suddenly.. all heads were on me...the vibration of the phone in my pocket touched the can near my crutch, creating what can only be described as a jackhammer-esque vibrating sound, clearly coming from my crotch. Like Quasimodo, I hobbled off into the sunset, not turning back to explain, afterall, what could I say?

I quickly went into the nearby toilet area of the bus depot, answering the phone as soon as I could. As I reached down to take the phone from my pocket I felt a sharp pain. "Hello..." I whimpered....There was a hesitant "hello?" in reply. It was my father...from my whimpery hello, he probably mistook me for Michael Jackson. "When are you coming back? Connie (my wife) said you normally come home at 6:00! It's 6:30 now"

"Dad..." I said, "I think something terrible just happened.."
"What??" he replied worridly...
"I believe I've punctured my scrotum....."

_______________________________________________________

An old man looked on curiously as I fumbled around with my hands down my pants...
Truly regretting having drank the contents of the drink, I managed to untangle my scrotom from the sharp opening of the can.
The old man jumped as a metalic clang hit the floor. "I'm free!" I thought.

I hobbled out of the restroom and off into the sunset...

In what was supposed to be a one hour trip home, I arrived home 2 1/2 hours late....

________________________________________________________

Here it is, four months later, still stinkin hot in Hong Kong, the indentation has almost grown back to normal and I'm now a daily user of egozite

Thank you Egozite....

200.jpg
 
splinterz posted on Sep 30 2005 at 07:49 AM said:
daclassicgamingmaster posted on Sep 29 2005 at 11:40 PM said:
EvilDragon posted on Sep 29 2005 at 06:59 PM said:
To help you decide:

In the post about Matt's computer, BargainBassmentz, Adammarsh AND splinterz had the same IP - all from AOL (yes, splinterz, we mods are powerful enough to find out where you're living!)

As AOL gives out a different IP which each login but they ALL had the same IP while posting at approximately the same time... well, you all know what that means.

Now, BargainSplinterzMarsh, if you continue spamming around here, we're gonna ban all your accounts at once, mmkay?
well ED, if your telling the truth (which i get the feeling you are), this is a bit of a shock to me....i coulda sworn splinterz wasnt BB. hmmm

@ Splinterz: DaveyG wanted to know why you joined THESE forums in particularly. We ARE on GP32 forums ;) . Also explain why you had the same IP as BB :ph34r:

finally, if you really are BB, you shouda known mods can track IPs. use a different computer dude. come on.


Its obvious that mods can check IP addresses - If you feel that you think im someone im not then thats your choice because I know im not bassments - I have no interest in the person other than when I was involved the other day & that was when I was trying to help - If you are correct with the IP addresses then im shocked as I have always used Argoros Anoym Pro or what ever its called which keeps your IP hidden when you surf so cannot not know how you think I have the same IP as its diferent every 5 seconds
NOVA LOVES YOU!
 
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sam fisher posted on Sep 30 2005 at 08:33 PM said:
splinterz posted on Sep 30 2005 at 07:49 AM said:
daclassicgamingmaster posted on Sep 29 2005 at 11:40 PM said:
EvilDragon posted on Sep 29 2005 at 06:59 PM said:
To help you decide:

In the post about Matt's computer, BargainBassmentz, Adammarsh AND splinterz had the same IP - all from AOL (yes, splinterz, we mods are powerful enough to find out where you're living!)

As AOL gives out a different IP which each login but they ALL had the same IP while posting at approximately the same time... well, you all know what that means.

Now, BargainSplinterzMarsh, if you continue spamming around here, we're gonna ban all your accounts at once, mmkay?
well ED, if your telling the truth (which i get the feeling you are), this is a bit of a shock to me....i coulda sworn splinterz wasnt BB. hmmm

@ Splinterz: DaveyG wanted to know why you joined THESE forums in particularly. We ARE on GP32 forums ;) . Also explain why you had the same IP as BB :ph34r:

finally, if you really are BB, you shouda known mods can track IPs. use a different computer dude. come on.


Its obvious that mods can check IP addresses - If you feel that you think im someone im not then thats your choice because I know im not bassments - I have no interest in the person other than when I was involved the other day & that was when I was trying to help - If you are correct with the IP addresses then im shocked as I have always used Argoros Anoym Pro or what ever its called which keeps your IP hidden when you surf so cannot not know how you think I have the same IP as its diferent every 5 seconds
NOVA LOVES YOU!

Get a grip.
 
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Oh man this had me in tears. You poor sod, thanks for sharing though it brightened my day.
 
I'm sorry, that sounds too gruesome for words, I know what it feels like, to hurt when you walk. I broke both my feet in a sleepwalking accident, and some days it kills on the walk to school.
 
Wow Bingo Jesus, that sounds even more painful!

And Reesy, I'm glad I brightened up your day, Drmd has brightened up many of my days. :D

It's good to look back on these things and laugh, otherwise you'll just have nightmares about it for the rest of your life. :lol:
 
I can relate to your pain, lets just say that you should always buy the best protective cup you can...


...
But, man that was hilarious(and not too shabbily written)! I'm glad that you turned something negative(for you) into something positive(for everyone). :lol:
 
Hahaah well I'm sure I'll report my next traumatic experience! :D

I'm afraid there's lots of undie rape going on in Hong Kong due to the humidity.

Oh I wish I was in antarctica!
 
Yeeouch! :eek:

That sounds painful. And I think the pain made you make a few wrong decisions that day ;)



I think you should invest in some cotton undies :)
 
Captainbubby posted on Oct 2 2005 at 05:43 AM said:
Hahaah well I'm sure I'll report my next traumatic experience! :D

I'm afraid there's lots of undie rape going on in Hong Kong due to the humidity.

Oh I wish I was in antarctica!
Hmm, an interesting topic. Out of extreme heat or extreme cold, which would you prefer?

Bingo Jesus posted on Sep 30 2005 at 10:20 PM said:
sleepwalking accident
I apologise profusely for finding this funny, but could you go into more detail?
 
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Rico posted on Oct 3 2005 at 02:21 PM said:
Bingo Jesus posted on Sep 30 2005 at 10:20 PM said:
sleepwalking accident
I apologise profusely for finding this funny, but could you go into more detail?

Well...... It was September and the weather was warm, so I had taken to sleeping with the window open. I also hadn't been sleeping well, my mum had found me wandering around in my sleep on the landing, apparently I was very confused.

Well one night I had been ill and had spent most of the day in bed, not sleeping, just feeling ill. By the time I got to sleep, I was having confused dreams. One of the dreams involved me falling out of my window onto the paved path leading to our front door, my room is on the second floor but I was moving fast.

I woke up a couple of minutes later, lying on my back on the path to our front door, it was midnight so nobody saw, and nobody heard. My feet were killing me, and I was convinced that I was still asleep, so I cried out, "I want to wake up", I didn't. I didn't realise how badly my feet were mangled until after I stood up to ring the door bell, I managed to ring it for three seconds before screaming in agony and falling over.

At this point I realised what had happened, I had sleep-walked out of a second floor window, at least ten meters and that my feet were a different shape and were bleeding. I crawled onto the lawn in front of our sitting room window and found a large pebble. I thought I'd be able to draw attention to myself by throwing at the window, in fact I smashed it. Neighbours who were enjoying a barbecue rushed over looking for burglars, but only found me, crying on the front lawn.

After that point things were okay, the neighbours woke up my parents who rushed me to hospital. It took me over four moths for my feet to heal though, I'd broken both of them, but I count myself lucky. It could have been much worse, one of the doctors commented that I could have smashed my pelvis.

My feet still hurt after a couple of hours walking now, but apart from that I'm fine. I've learnt something from this experience though, never ever sleep with your window open, it could kill you.
 
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