As it was an Austin Texas study, that 3%, is perhaps pure Alex Jones and not just bovine in nature! Though with the added beef of Jesse Ventura?
Still, it's a resolute and powerful enough belief system, dug in like an Alabama tit, to achieve almost biblical feats of free energy via enough black t-shirt sales to counteract anything, or power any movement (Black Copters : Out of Stock, as they're always busy hovering around the customers house about now). They're even ready for the imminent polar shift caused by Phelsumanias endless reptilian illuminati raising, which is tipping the balance of the planet over via Andover and over and over.
So in the absence of an EnergiserXP4000 (which can charge external Pandora batteries), or a similar USB pack or solar option, such as sold by PortaPow, (who's solar stuff I totally worship like Christ), you should coerce some black t-shirt dudes/dudettes, to cycle for your Pandora power, in the name of "opposing lizard overlords" from being total bankers, or some such. "Punch n pie" will probably work too, plus you have a parrot!
So just call it "Obama" and the Democons', Republicrats', or even the plain 'condemned' will be straight round to peddle whatever its saying/selling.