(Bad)Joke Appreciation Corner

Discussion in 'Offtopic Discussions' started by Løra (Lolla), Oct 18, 2013.

  1. levi

    levi Still fresh, damnit!

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    I'm pretty sure Leo Di Cap will have earned enough to pay off his student loan, especially given how old he is now meaning he must've got a degree while it was still significantly government funded, assuming he has a degree and funding for universities works anything like it does here there (although I thing some places like CMU and Harvard were probably funded by philanthropists and old boys until quite recently if not still today).
     
  2. ible

    ible professional vim user

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    i think you may be missing the point
     
  3. FaeMinx

    FaeMinx Rainbow Liberation Instigation

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    Everyone has their own point.

    Sent from my Moto G (4) using Tapatalk
     
  4. Cerbera

    Cerbera Ecnes

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    Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace? He wanted to sleep like a log.
     
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  5. ible

    ible professional vim user

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    i uncovered some jokes about clothes, but they turned out to be veiled criticism. shawl i explain them to you?
     
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  6. Cerbera

    Cerbera Ecnes

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  7. ClockworkCoder

    ClockworkCoder Chaotic Neutral

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    All the best jokes about chemistry

    Ar
     
  8. levi

    levi Still fresh, damnit!

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    I like to park my arse on the rare earth. I'd be a little bit wary of those more radioactive actinides near my coccyx though.
     
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  9. ClockworkCoder

    ClockworkCoder Chaotic Neutral

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    What do vampires sing on New Year?

    Auld Fang Syne

    That was from my Christmas cracker this year. You're welcome.
     
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  10. Cerbera

    Cerbera Ecnes

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  11. Cerbera

    Cerbera Ecnes

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    I'm reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen... I can feel it.
     
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  12. ible

    ible professional vim user

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    I found out today that I have the same name as some mafia boss! Whenever he goes out, you hear the people shout, singing: Don Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt!
     
  13. Cerbera

    Cerbera Ecnes

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    My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is. I told him, “My door is always open”.
     
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  14. Cerbera

    Cerbera Ecnes

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  15. ible

    ible professional vim user

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    i was talking to a snow plow guy the other day, and he was really passionate about his job. apparently there's no business like snow business!
     
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  16. ClockworkCoder

    ClockworkCoder Chaotic Neutral

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    My dentist is not content to be an average motorcyclist, he wants to be the Leader of the Plaque.
     
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  17. JDTAY

    JDTAY Half Pepperoni, All Cheese

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    Guys, I keep wanting to complain about how bored I am without a computer, but I don't want to bore you too. Thus, I came up with awful boredom jokes.

    I'm more bored than a hooker at the Vatican.
    I'm more bored than a Democrat at a NASCAR race.
    I'm more bored than a Republican at a soccer game.
    I'm more bored than an Italian plumber with a Sega Genesis.
    I'm more bored than Harvey Weinstein with pants on.
    I'm exactly as bored as a pizza that's just run out of boredom jokes.
     
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  18. FBnil

    FBnil Ready to Champion the Pyra to the World...

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    @JDTAY The only one I understood is the one for the Sega Genesis. The others are too localized and require a paragraph to explain them to me.
    But if bored: Why not clean the not-obvious parts of the house?

    Other tips: Audio books, some can be streamed on youtube. Read fanfiction at http://fanfiction.net/
    Go buy a magazine (SFW) and read it outside, on a bench. Or maybe inside, in a cafe. Dress for the occasion.

    Now back to the jokes:

    It's a lazy saturday and this rich guy is bored. So this rich guy decides to go fishing. Goes to the store buys all required equipment. A chair, a rod, a hook remover, a fishing jacket with lots of pockets, even a flashlight. Takes his car to the river and deploys his net, foldable chair with coffee holder... opens the manual and starts reading. Soon he can wind the fishing line around the hook and he starts fishing with big swings, as shown on the portable DVD player. But the fish do not bite.

    Further away, a drifter walks up to the river, removes his shoelace, ties it to a branch he found on the ground and starts fishing. One fish after the other. So the rich guy is curious and intrigued. And yells: Hey buddy, what's your secret to catch fish? But he's too far away and only hears some mumbling. While from the canadian side he hears "I'm not your buddy, mate!" but he ignores that. So he walks up to the drifter and halfway yells again "Hey buddy, what's your secret to catch fish?", the drifter answers but all he can hear is this unintelligeble mumbling. So the rich guy walks up to the drifter who by now has like 10 fishes. And he looks at the guy, and says: Sorry, I could not hear you from over there. I really want to ask you what's your secret to catching so many fish. And the drifter then puts his hand to his mouth, makes a gesture of emptying his mouth onto his hand and says in perfect English: "Warm worms".
    --- Double Post Merged, May 11, 2019, Original Post Date: May 11, 2019 ---
    Postman. First day on the job. Gets a training that the mail always goes into the mailbox yada yada.
    So he pulls up to this mansion. Big gates, no mailbox. So he rings, the gates open, no one on the intercom. He looks into the distance, and yes, the house has a mailbox. So he walks the driveway towards the house. Halfway he sees a small sign on the ground. The first line reads "BEWARE" and to read the second row he has to bend down. Now, while flexing the knees, you who are telling the joke, must make up-down knee movements while saying: "... THE DOG".

    From the bestseller: "Bar jokes for Owners of Pyras" by JDTAY.
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2019
  19. levi

    levi Still fresh, damnit!

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    @FBnil Can you explain those to me? I do not get them either.

    I mostly got JDTAY's jokes and if you didn't get the Harvey Weinstein one then you're so out of the loop. I don't quite get the sports/politics ones though, to be fair.
     
  20. FBnil

    FBnil Ready to Champion the Pyra to the World...

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    In Hollywood, they are everywhere ask Corey Feldman or Elijah Wood. I just don't find "casting couch" nor predators funny, but you are entitled to your set of "fun". If you laugh it off, it's not that bad. So it's passive endorsement.

    >> Can you explain those to me? I do not get them either.
    But of course! The first one is a visual joke where you keep worms warm in your mouth. By doing all the gestures, it triggers disgust.
    The second one is actually too explicit (NSFW) to explain.
     

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